When You're A Fat Cat, It's Hard to Stay Awake

Sparkycus & I are sitting around talking when his cat, Jackson, jumps into Sparkycus' lap.

The cat seems to pay attention to our conversation. Sparkycus & I decide on the movie we want to see and I turn to the computer to find out where it's showing. One and a half minutes later, I turn around to see this. Kitty just couldn't stay awake any longer.

Happy Wednesday!

Straight from the WTF file

It's not so much that kitty is sporting a serious fanged underbite, but more on what his dentist "daddy" did for him. Bling, bling baby!

Check out the story at: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14383788/

Two Blind Pilots

Stunned to receive a clean joke in an email, I decided to post it:

Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the plane. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other one is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway,and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

There's a What on the Right?

Sitting with my son, listening to CCR, he sings:

Don't go out tonight
it's bound to take your life
there's a bathroom on the right

I hit pause.

"Son, what did you just sing?"

(In a tone only a thirteen year-old can muster accompanied by an eye roll) "Duh, Mom; it's CCR. "Bathroom on the Right."

"You mean Bad Moon on the rise?"

"Now that would be dumb."

There we have it folks, keep an eye out, cause there's a bathroom on the right.

It worked!

The promised photo from the 4th of July. Notice the long, grasshopper-like legs on Sparkycus!

Saturday Night in Thrillsville

A pleasantly quiet Saturday night.

Sparkycus is at his grandparents and Spartucus is safely tucked in the basement playing nerd, er, I mean computer games with his friends. Yes, it makes me roll my eyes and twitch, but at least he's not out spending money and getting wasted ... every Saturday night. I feel abandoned once a week but don't really know what else to do. I don't have money to throw around and what with it being summer, most or all of my friends have headed to the lakes anyway. I need a hobby that doesn't make me sweat (not that it would be harmful were I to actually move around) or cost anything.

'Gave blood this morning. The local blood bank is low 600 units. That number floors me. If you're able to give, please contact your local office and arrange to do so. Visit www.givelife.org or www.unitedbloodservices.org for a center near you.

Went to work after the blood letting. There were four other people (all in my department) there trying to catch up. We're fairly busy plus it's review time and we have a team-review policy where we all fill out feedback forms regarding one another. Every six months, mind you. As the production manager, I am responsible for collating information from three different sources and sharing the info with another manager for four people plus collating and conducting actual reviews for three of my own "kids". I can not fathom doing this on a grand scale. Sitting down and giving your own opinion and calling it good? Sure. But if I have to copy/paste anything else tonight, I'll probably cry.

'Going to the Cities on September 29 for a Twins game on the 30th with some of my "kids" from work. They're all in their early 20's. We're going to try to go out downtown that night but I have no clue what is what or where. Anybody have any ideas? My idea of fun is going to a zoo, museum or a festival of some sort, so bar-hopping with the youngun's should be interesting.

My eyes are crossing from staring at a screen, which is okay, because I feel like I'm posting about nothing.

Carry on, my wayward sons. (man, I love that song)

Lover's Cross (Jim Croce)

Guess that it was bound to happen
Was just a matter of time
But now I've come to my decision
And it's one of the painful kind

'Cause now it seems that you wanted a martyr
Just a regular guy wouldn't do
But baby I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you

I really got to hand it to ya'
Cause girl you really tried
But for every time that we spent laughin'
There were two times that I cried

And you were tryin' to make me your martyr
And that's the one thing I just couldn't do
'Cause baby, I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you

'Cause tables are meant for turnin
'And people are bound to change
And bridges are meant for burnin
'When the people and memories they join aren't the same

Still I hope that you can find
Another who can take what I could not
He'll have to be a super guy
Or maybe a super god

'Cause I never was much of a martyr before
And I ain't about to start nothin' new
And baby, I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you

Campelujah 4.5

Every summer, we go camping with my sister-in-law, YoFSIL* and her husband, Red. We call it Campelujah.

This year's Campelujah IV was cut short due to wicked heat, a freakish amount of wood ticks and very, very angry biting deer flies. To make up for leaving early, we're going to have Campelujah 4.5 this weekend in Red Wing, MN.

Stocking up for it should have been a $40-$50 WalMart trip since we're only talking about two meals in the woods this time. Usually it's a "who can pretend the great outdoors is a real kitchen and turn out near-gourmet meals over a roaring fire" competition. 'Turns out my plan to leave work, pick up Sparkycus and head to WalMart, stop quickly at Target (cuz Wally World doesn't have STRAWBERRY lemonade powdered drink singles or those crack-soaked organic fruit leather thingies) and dart into the grocery store's pharmacy to get inhaler refills was flawed.

'Turns out, see, (rock back on your heels like a Southern highway patrol officer explainin' things to a felon when you say that first part) that sleep deprivation combined with hunger manifests itself as a financially irresponsible 12 year old with an incurable junk food addiction. Did you know they make coconut crusted marshmallows?

This will be it until at least Sunday.

Rock on y'all!

* Wammy started signing her emails, "Your Favorite Sister In Law" ... I added the "o" and gave her what I think could be a convincing Jewish name. Mostly because Sparkycus just finished up working on "Fiddler on the Roof" ... I was feelin' it!

Do This

do this:

- grab your favorite beverage and come right back. No, wait ... do NOT try to consume a beverage while you read this. You will harm your nasal cavity or possibly damage your monitor. Also, if your stomach already hurts, don’t read this. Or if you’re not supposed to laugh so hard you cry. I don’t know why this would be a concern, but I can’t be held responsible. ‘Just sayin’.
- go here, read “The Weather Outside Isn’t All That’s Frightful” at http://www.scottygee.blogspot.com/
- trust me

The Meaning of JuJu

I said the phrase, "that is some bad JuJu" in a meeting today and was confronted with "exactly what is JuJu?" by a woman who, by all rights and means, should just go away.

Being one to always have the right answer at the wrong time, I came up with this on the way home: (warning: "on the way home" means from a 14-hour work day on a trip I don't remember all but two blocks of. I'm pretty sure I was hallucinating, because I do remember at one point thinking that the bank looked like one of those twisty buildings out of a Seuss book.)

According to Laura's Dictionary Of Shit She Thinks About While Driving or Showering, JuJu is essentially cosmic ectoplasm. It acts as a medium for feelings, actions and attitudes. While it can snake out and wrap itself around others, it still belongs to us (in the individual ownership sense) and will always come back. Karma resides in JuJu and is what allows Karma to kick our asses when we're deserving. JuJu is the stuff that holds the cup when it's running over because we're doing the right thing or are on the right path. Our JuJu can meld with other peoples' and transfer properties to/from one another. And thus bad JuJu is just going to get your Karmic ass kicked.

And that, my grasshoppers, is today's post about nothing.

Rock on, my three faithful readers.